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Shannon Richardson's avatar

I always love reading your updates, Rachel. I was encouraged by the idea of “what can I trade for this?” and also the fact that even one tiny degree over time can cause a completely different destination. Makes me want to be ever so careful how I spend my time. I have yet to tackle a foreign language, but hopefully that and learning piano are in my future at some point! Oh, one more thing…the breakup pizza party!! How very special and thoughtful!!🥰

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

Hi Shannon! When my friend shared the one degree concept over time, that image really resonated with me. I didn’t take it as anxiety-inducing or as pressure toward perfectionism but rather as a reminder of the agency we have in our own lives, a gentle nudge to bring ourselves back when we feel like we’re drifting.

I think it’s amazing that you want to learn piano! I played for many years, but my training was very technical. Some of my kids’ friends have learned through an approach that focuses on basic chords and improvisation, and I’m always amazed by what they can do.

And John’s heartbreak pizza party! I loved that idea too! Having teenagers is so much fun, and I love seeing all the creative things they come up with. Last Thanksgiving, they organized a "Gobble Gallop." lol It started as a way to save money but ended up being such a great time.

Thanks for your kind words. I really appreciate them!

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Shannon Richardson's avatar

Yes, thanks for that reminder to guard against the pressure of perfectionism because that is something I struggle with. Rather, a gentle nudge to maintain my course. 🥰

I had one year of piano instruction as a child, but both my daughters have had many years of excellent instruction and play very well. I see the value in both ways of playing, reading complex pieces and also just being able to sit down and play by ear/chords. I know I will miss the music in my home when they’re gone (one already lives 14 hours away), so I will challenge myself to learn at some point.

Your kids sound like amazing people. I remember hearing your daughter sing at W+F in Texas years ago and was so blessed by that.

Thanks for your thoughtful response. Have a restful weekend!

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In the Garden of Eden🦋's avatar

Rachel, your writing is so beautiful and this was such a breath of fresh air to receive. I love getting your family updates and what’s sparking joy in your home. I’ve never heard of the foil craft and now I need to look it up! Sounds like something my kiddos might enjoy. My oldest has a goal of creating a summer wardrobe, but has been feeling defeated when it comes to sewing clothes. She says the patterns are always hard to follow or not the right size. I’m not the one to help her, as sewing is not my strong suit. I’m going to show her the links you shared and see if she thinks she can try one out. The little crop tees look amazing! So do the pants! Thank you for sharing links with us.

I admire your reflection of instagram and social media. Truly inspiring to me. The way you can recognize what is no longer serving you and having the strength to step away. I love the way you challenged yourself with learning Italian in its place. I too, often ponder on what I could fill the space with by not checking social media as often. You’ve given me lots of think on.

As I myself reflected on this past year I realized how much I missed milking my girls. It felt like a piece of me was missing. The slowness and quietness of the process was something that I didn’t realize I needed. Until it was gone. It forced me to slow down twice a day. To just be. So this year I bred my goats again and I also purchased two Iceland sheep for milking and wool! I’m hoping that things pan out and I get to once again find that serenity and peace that I get with my ladies while milking. I’m looking forward to learning how to process sheep’s wool and hopefully get some yarn that we can use for crocheting & projects!

Sending you and the family all the love and light. Praying that you all get feeling better and wishing you all the best New Year!🌬️❤️

Tanisha

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

Tanisha, you are so special to me and I am always so grateful when I have a chance to connect with you! Thank you for these thoughtful words.

The patterns I linked to are for younger children (I think they are for size 7 and under) but I would be love to support your daughter on her sewing journey. I could never have figured it out on my own and I learned how to sew in part through the online sewing community that was so vibrant about 10 years ago. If she would like to Zoom we could talk through things together! I would love to do that! I am so passionate about sewing! Or she could email me questions or send videos. Whatever makes her the most comfortable. This is always a standing offer!

I loved following your IG. It was so soulful and artful and authentic. The kinds of things that you share are what drew me to the app in the first place. I am glad there are people like you who are letting their light shine there. What a gift!

The Icelandic sheep sound so incredible! You are so resourceful and bring an artfulness to everything you do.

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In the Garden of Eden🦋's avatar

I will most definitely pass this along to her! Good to know about the sizing on the patterns you shared. She’s an itty bitty thing and is about a size 12-14, she’s 16 years old. I know she’d like to try and sew some summer pieces, so I will let her know that she can pick your mind if she has questions or gets stuck. Thank you! If you come across any patterns that you think would be good for a beginner, I know she’d love that. Thanks so much for offering to answer any questions she might have. So sweet of you.❤️

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

It's so interesting that you mention the 12-14 size because my girls and I were talking just this week about how difficult it is to find store-bought clothes in this size range! My daughter Iris is wearing this size and it's been so challenging to find clothes for her! The options are so limited. And she can't yet fit into women's clothes.

I sent you an email with my phone number if your daughter ever wants to text me, and we can talk about patterns and any other questions she might have! I would be truly so excited to connect with her if it's helpful! xo

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Lydia Carr's avatar

Thank you for this thoughtful piece! I have toyed with deleting Instagram permanently, though so far I have only done it for a season (often Advent and Lent). I am leaning more and more in that direction though, and what you wrote really spoke to me and has me ready to take the plunge. You are right that we aren't meant to know so many details about a person's life! I recently reconnected with a friend from when my oldest was a baby, and we had a lovely text exchange as we caught up on news directly. It was so much more life-giving than the quick clips of photos and reels that go by on Instagram.

Today I was snowshoeing with my younger kids, and I was thinking how I would love to be in a beautiful place and feel completely present instead of with a nagging though of "I could take a photo of this and post it to my stories." For me, this is one of the most intrusive aspects of being on Instagram. Often I don't even take a photo, or I do and don't post it - but that thought still comes niggling and disturbs my ability to be in the present moment.

I have actually been thinking about getting rid of my smartphone completely and replacing it with a Wisephone, which is designed more along the lines of a kindle paper white and thus not wired to overstimulate and create addictive qualities. There is so much we need to rethink as these devices become more and more pervasive in our lives!

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

I relate to so much of what you are sharing! I have felt so free just enjoying a moment and not feeling like I need to capture it. And I didn't even post very often, nor was I aware that I felt that sense that I needed to capture certain experiences. My husband and I made a quick trip to California last fall to see some friends. We were on a paddle boat and the reflections on the water were otherwordly. We both talked about how wonderful it was to just be there together, enjoying the moment, without feeling like we needed to document it or share it with the world.

And I have been thinking a lot about what you are saying, hearing the details firsthand about the important things in the lives of the people we care about, vs finding everything out online. I read an essay all about this and the way this phenomenon is changing relationships and social connections.

Have you read Erin Loechner's The Opt Out Family? That book had a really deep impact on me. She talks a lot about how apps are designed to be addictive and IG shows us images that trigger emotional responses. It has such a polarizing effect, rather than moving dialogue forward. I feel especially sorry for what kids face these days and am so glad we made the decision to not allow our girls to be on social media. Our son was on IG for a bit and used it so judiciously, but he has since deleted it entirely. He was actually the one who really encouraged me to take a huge step away from it after we discussed our concerns about it together.

Thank you for your thoughtful sharing. I would love to hear what you decide.

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Lydia Carr's avatar

Thank you for your response, Rachel! I love the story of your time paddling and being in the moment. I think that is something so many people are missing, and it is hard to know it until we step back and remove certain things that are pulling us out of the present.

Do you know what the essay was that you read? I would be interested in reading it. I haven't read the Opt Out Family, but I heard an interview with Erin Loechner, and what she said really resonated. Is it good as an audiobook? I find that I have a hard time sitting down to non fiction, as I just want to be transported into a story or another place when I pick up a physical book. We have been very limited with screens with our kids (our 16 year old still doesn't have a phone or social media, and is actually on a 5 month long wilderness expedition that is completely tech free), but I have wrestled with feeling a bit of hypocrisy when I am getting lost in insta-world while my kids read or make art or carve spoons! I am planning to make a farewell post and get off IG now after reflecting more about it. Have you shut down your account altogether, or did you leave it open? I have to decide how to approach that. And there are certain events and local things that I find out about on there, so I will need to figure out other ways to stay informed.

Thank you again for this post - it was exactly the nudge I needed to go forward with a decision that was already calling to me.

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

Hi Lydia! I can't remember where I read that essay, if it was here on Substack or a newspaper opinion piece. But I thought a lot about it afterward.

I have left my account open for now. If you feel like a decision is calling you (I love that expression) moving forward, at least for a period of time, seems like something worth trying. I wish I had not spent so much time thinking about it, and I wish I would have done it earlier. It was my son who, after a conversation, suggested we both delete it for two weeks. That was long enough for me to see it was time to move into a different season. It taught me that when a feeling is nagging, its helpful to listen and at least give it a try. Sometimes I can spend a lot of emotional energy vacillating.

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Kristen Opaska's avatar

Hi Rachel, we chatted through IG last year, mostly about farmer's markets. Reading your newsletter today reminded me of a few local things I had been meaning to share with you. First, have you visited Spare Parts? It's an art supply re-use store, and I have found so many crafty things there for such a good deal - fabric, yarn, sewing notions, kids crafts, office supplies, etc. It's a really neat place, if you have a chance to check it out! Secondly, I remember your kids being interested in Shakespeare awhile back. We attended the UTSA Friends of Shakespeare annual performance last Fall and it was a treat. My whole family, kids included, enjoyed the performance! They hold it every October, so if you have a chance to attend and still have Shakespeare fans in the family, I highly recommend it.

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

I am so excited to hear from you! I had just been trying to find Shakespeare opportunities in our community and even though I was googling it, everything I found was so dated. We used to attend Shakespeare Under the Stars in Wimberley every year, but they are no longer doing Shakespeare productions there, as far as I know. We are about to start reading Julius Caesar as we are currently studying the Roman Empire!

Also, I love hearing about Spare Parts! This is completely new to me! Thank you so much for sharing! I am so happy to connect with you here! <3

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Lorin P's avatar

I so relate to the Instagram life suck. Not that it’s bad, but is it necessary and helpful? I did find you on IG, so for that I am thankful! Do you have a room set up for sewing? How did you make it work when you had little littles running around?

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

It's so interesting that you asked this because I was literally just talking to a friend about finding a dedicated sewing space last week! I do have a sewing room set up. Our house was built in the 90s and has a formal dining room, so I turned it into my sewing space. My sewing machine and serger are on the table. I have a hutch where I store my fabric, a file cabinet for my patterns and an ironing board. Having everything available all of the time really does make a huge difference for me.

I had it set up like this when my kids were small too. Because it's in the center of the house, I'm always part of what is going on. The kids often sit at the table and talk to me while I work. When they were small, I could sometimes sew while they would play, but back then, I usually sewed while they were sleeping.

That said, having an entire room isn’t necessary at all! Even carving out a corner with a desk or small table and embracing it as part of the living space can work beautifully. It’s all about finding what fits your home and rhythm!

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Constança Cabral's avatar

Reading your essays is always a joy, Rachel. This one feels extremely timely to me, because yesterday I deleted Instagram from my phone. I’ve got a feeling that I’ll come to similar conclusions as you did and this phrase especially resonated with me: “There’s a spaciousness and joy in not knowing what everyone is doing or thinking all the time.” I often think about how life used to feel like before the advent of smart phones and constant connectivity and online stimulus… I felt a lot more focused and less anxious, to be sure. Lots of love xx

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

I am so happy to hear from you and to see you are writing a newsletter here, too! I just subscribed! I really do miss connecting with my sewing friends, going all the way back to our OG blogging days!

I don't think we were made to know what everyone is thinking or feeling or doing all the time. The longer I was off, the more unsettling the reels and pace were to my spirit. And because I no longer have a scrolling history, when I would log back on once a month last summer or fall, IG would show me incredibly dark and disturbing images of abuse, disease, disfigurement, and death. I never look up anything like that online. I learned it was because the algorithm thrives on posts that are shocking. That felt sinister to me. The focus, peace, and clarity I feel now has surprised me. I think the pace affected my brain and attention.

Thanks so much for taking the time to connect today! To me, one antidote to bringing balance to life in a digital world is getting in our bodies and making with our hands. I have missed the inspiration I once got from the maker community. Sewing just makes me feel so alive! I'm excited to learn from and be inspired by you!

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Mackenzie Chester's avatar

What could I trade this for is a great question to ask. Thanks for your thoughts, Rachel. I always enjoy hearing what you have to say.

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

For me, it was helpful to frame it as a trade. Instead: what am I missing? I shifted the focus to: what am I gaining? Wishing you joy and blessings on your journey! Thanks for taking the time to encourage me today! <3

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Kldanielsonrn's avatar

I was praying for you and your family during the night and then again on our walk. Thinking of you. Love, Aunt Kathy

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Rachel Kovac's avatar

Thanks so much, Aunt Kathy! That means so much! Jude has influenza right now and a really intense Organic Chemistry 2 test on Friday, which is also his 20th birthday. I am sure he would appreciate your prayers so much. He started working at a local hospital one day a week... it's a program for pre-med students. He takes vitals in the ER but will soon be trained on giving EKGs. His time at Mayo with Aunt Mary sparked a huge interest in cardiology for him! Indi is getting so excited to start Nursing school in the fall!

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